life is so unexpected and crappy at times. i just lost a dear friend of mine. over the last week, we have lost a family member, and two close friends. i have lost friends before and (maybe because i was much younger) i was not as affected by it as i am now. of course i was devastatingly saddened as i am now, however, i wasn't thrust into a state of realization of my own mortality. it is frightening to think of not being here. not for myself, but for my family. particularly thinking of my friend i lost today. she was a young mom. two beautiful little girls only 2 and 1... she was a beautiful spirited person, inside and out. her girls are going to be deprived of the love of their mother. if there was ever a time to claim the unfairness of life, this would be it. i am unable to understand these losses of the past week. all so unexpected and crushing.